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December 19, 2017 12:44 pm

Republican Senate, Roy Moore, said that the world has been taken over by ‘sodomy, abortion and materialism’.

I disagree. Surely if the world has been taken over by sodomy that eradicates the probability of needing an abortion. In a recent poll, carried out by Les Dennis at The National Office of Statistics, concluded that Anal Sex (a.k.a sodomy) is the second most popular method of contraception that couples use, (top method was Marriage). So, old Royster, people are actually using acts of sodomy so as not to get pregnant and need an abortion in the first place. As for the world being taken over by materialism. Sure, Roy, I’m sure you got your 20 years your junior buxom blonde wife Kayla just from your personality alone.

I’m surprised I don’t agree with a Republican.

Normally I always agree with Republicans because it means they own a pub, and the more you agree with them the more you are invited to lock inns. Lock inns are really fun because it feels like you are living in the days of Prohibition, and I imagine I am Kate Beckinsale in Pearl Harbour and the evening is full of infinite possibilities and that it is totally within my realm to have sex with Josh Hartnet and Ben Affleck in the space of two and a half hours and still have perfect hair. Even though that’s historically inaccurate, as Prohibition was abolished in 1933 and Pearl Harbour happened in 1945. I’m pretty chuffed with myself right now because I only had to look one of those dates up. My point being is that a good lock inn makes me feel like it’s O.K to get off with more than one guy in one night because you are Kate Beckinsale in Pearl Harbour and who knows what will happen tomorrow? You could be dead or worse painfully hungover, you’ll never want to drink again.

Lock inns also remind me of my time  in Saudi Arabia where it is illegal to drink alcohol, yet for some reason it’s legal to get stoned, bizarre. Lock inns and Saudi Arabia make getting drunk feel very taboo, there’s a feeling of danger which only adds to your high.

Taboos can be very alluring. If something is a taboo, I automatically feel inclined to do it. When I was a kid if there was a sign that said ‘keep off the grass’ I would immediately want to do grass. Now as a fully grown woman, I enjoy saying things I shouldn’t. For example, I love talking about my period to my male colleagues. It’s really fun to have the power to make them feel uncomfortable in the workplace for a change. I just love a taboo. That’s why the best thing to do is make everything legal. Then I’ll live like a nun. (But like a sexy nun.)

There’s something very seductive about doing something you shouldn’t. Like drugs or alcohol or watching the Kardashians or voting Brexit. Most people who I talk to that voted Brexit say they did do it because it felt a bit exciting and naughty and risky. The safe thing to do was vote to remain. Apart of me admires their risk taking. It’s admirable. Everyone thinks Liberals are the progressive ones and most up for change. Those snowflakes didn’t put their money where their mouth was when voting Brexit, did they? They chose to stay with the status quo, how very ironically conservative of them.

Speaking of conservative. Let’s go back to Roy Moore’s recent allegory. He talks about the taboos of abortion and sodomy but fails to mention that he has been accused of a rather big taboo himself. No, not pouring in his milk before he pours in his tea. Something more heinous than that. He has been accused of and this might come as a surprise given that he is a man of God, but he has been accused numerous times of sexual misconduct. Some of these accusations of sexual misconduct have even been with minors.

That reminds me of my joke: Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey and Roy Moore don’t walk into a bar as such, it’s more they are behind bars. They all give a nod of recognition to each other and all mutter under their breath, ‘yeah, me too’.

(Thank you).

Now normally these sort of sexual allegations in American Politics mean that you can still be President of The United States, because America is the ‘Land of Opportunity!’  Yet, in an odd twist of fate, the good people of  Alabama were like, ‘Yeah….No….let’s get rid’. Finally some redemption! Roy Moore quite rightly was kicked out of his job as ‘Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Alabama’. But he didn’t take it lying down, ironically he is refuting his defeat. He is not consenting to it, but he of all people should know that you can still go right ahead.

You’ve got to applaud the state of Alabama for giving him the shove and voting, democratic Doug Jones in. Most people in the United States that have been voting Republican for years and years always stay voting Republican, even if it means voting in someone entirely inappropriate that has been accused of sexual misconduct just because they’ve always voted Republican. So its nice to see that maybe they have learnt that it’s just one taboo too far.

Good on you Alabama. Let’s see the rest of America discredit and disassociate themselves with corrupt figures, accused of sexual assault.

If America can’t go back to the days of family man and model husband Obama, can we at the very least go back to the days of Clinton when the biggest mistake he made was not paying for Monica Lewinsky’s dry cleaning.